


Counting Kisses

by JakkuCrew (fromstars)



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: First Kiss, KnightPilot Week, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 08:07:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7259356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fromstars/pseuds/JakkuCrew
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For theme prompt: Early Days</p>
            </blockquote>





	Counting Kisses

**Author's Note:**

> It's a little short but I wanted to make sure my theme entry was done. Haha.

"I had my first kiss. I think." Poe says, as he fidgets his fingers under the back of his shirt collar. He pauses, and in that moment, Ben isn't sure he can breathe. They always tell each other everything, and logically Ben knows this story shouldn't be any different. Illogically, he wishes he could screw his eyes shut and forget the whole conversation - the whole day, even- even if it is Poe's birthday.

But of course, he doesn't close his eyes and he doesn't forget anything. Instead Ben watches silently, waiting for Poe to continue as he paces his bedroom floor. When Poe doesn't continue, Ben frowns. The older boy is normally talkative, normally bright and loud and...endearing. Instead he seems quiet and frustrated.

"You only think," Ben prompts finally, "Or you know you had your first kiss?"

Poe stops in his tracks, and looks back at him in exasperation. "It was awful." Poe explains, before he drops onto his bed beside Ben. Ben tries to keep the relief he feels from coloring his features. "I mean, I didn't feel anything. I didn't even intend for it to happen, she just sort of lunged at me a bit, and I thought we were friends, but I didn't think--," Poe sighs. He twists his hands in his bedsheets before looking over at Ben.

"It was a complete disaster. Does it have to count?" He asks ruefully, raising a brow.

Ben shrugs. "I don't know. Sure you're not just trying to avoid being labeled a bad kisser?"

"Shut up," Poe elbows him. "I didn't even want to kiss this girl," he says, and before Ben can bother to ask why, because most girls like Poe Dameron, and because he's pretty sure girl in question is everything he thought Poe liked, Poe gives him a nervous look that cuts him short. It's unusual to see Poe Dameron look anxious.

Ben waits for Poe to continue.

"I--," Poe starts, before his voice wavers, and he looks down at his knees. Ben tries not to panic - it's downright unnerving to watch Poe chew on his lip as if he's afraid of what he's about to say. His best friend normally speaks without thinking terribly much. They both do.

After another pause, Poe sighs and pitches himself backwards onto his bed. Ben follows suit, lying down beside Poe as he folds his hands over his stomach.

"I don't think I want to kiss any girls," he says finally, staring up at the ceiling of his father's house.

"Well if it was that bad," Ben says carefully, "Then you definitely shouldn't count it."

"No, idiot," Poe nudges Ben with his elbow. "I mean I think it was kind of bad because I don't want to kiss girls. Any of them," he emphasizes.

"That still leaves a lot of people to kiss in this galaxy," Ben concedes quietly, willfully ignoring the fluttering in his chest. He twists his head to look at Poe and admire the way brown curls brush over brown cheeks.

"I think I'm gay," Poe says, pointedly ignoring Ben's comment.

And before Ben can find something logical to say, before he can manage to say something polite but distant, he finds his response spilling out quickly and urgently, right over Poe's next words.

"--Me too."  
"--Please don't freak out--,"

"--Poe," Ben says again, pushing himself up on his elbow. "Me too," he says again, this time feeling himself flush pink. "I mean I haven't kissed anyone, but I'm pretty sure, I've thought about it..." He says, not ready yet to add - I've thought about you, I've thought about us, I've thought about who I would want to kiss.

Poe looks so stricken that Ben has to laugh as he sits upright, leaning against the wall that Poe's bed is shoved up against.

"How--," Poe starts, scrambling to sit back up beside him.

"Last summer," Ben explains, "Mom kept asking if I had a crush on any of the girls I'd met, if I liked any of them, and I kept saying no, I don't want to talk about that with my mom," he wrinkles his nose for emphasis, "And then finally one day Han stepped in and said--," Ben drops his voice and imitates his father's infamous crooked grin, "--'Leia, quit askin' the kid about girls. For all you know, he's into men,' and then I just...hid in my room for the rest of the week. It was awful," Ben says, barely stifling a nervous laugh. "I still won't talk to them about it."

"Wait," Poe says with a laugh, "Let me get this straight: your dad suggested your could be gay and you just...fled? And didn't talk to them for a whole week?"

"...I had a lot of meditation practice to catch up on," Ben sniffs defensively.

"You could've told me," Poe insists.

"I wasn't prepared to tell myself until just now! I've gotten pretty good at ignoring things until they either go away or explode in my face, you know." Ben remarks, lightly nudging Poe with his knee.

"Yeah, and five guesses as to why Luke wants you to wait longer before you make your own light saber," Poe says, snickering.

"Shut up," Ben says, nudging Poe harder before Poe elbows him back. "The point is, I don't um, I don't think it counts as your first kiss. Since you don't want it to."

"...Thanks," Poe says quietly, smiling to himself. He leans in to Ben, resting against his shoulder. "Hey Ben?"

"Mm?" Ben mumbles, his cheeks still hot.

"I don't want our friendship to be weird, but-,"  
"-It's not going to be weird," Ben cuts in quickly, falling silent as Poe shakes his head at him.

"-Let me finish since it's my birthday," Poe says, rolling his eyes in a way that makes Ben's stomach pitch. "--I would've rather kissed you."

"Oh," Ben says quietly. "Yeah. Well, since it's your birthday..." He says awkwardly, reaching for Poe's hand to give it a squeeze. "I mean, not just because it's your birthday, it probably wouldn't be bad to kiss you--"

"-Not bad, huh?" Poe laughs, lacing his fingers with Ben's. "I'm flattered."

"I mean I think I'd rather kiss you too, not that I've kissed people, but--" he stammers, stopping short when Poe cups his chin. "I could be really terrible at it too, and it's your birthday," he finishes lamely.

"Maybe," Poe laughs. "We don't have to," he adds, biting his lip.

"I want to," Ben replies, tilting his head to look up at Poe, who has leaned up to kneel next to him. "I think it'd be...nice."

"Me too," Poe says, before he dips his head and tentatively kisses Ben - soft but sweet and enthusiastic. It is, Ben thinks, probably the best birthday present he has ever given Poe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
